Give Love This Holiday by Receiving It

The Art of Receiving

I am terrible at receiving gifts and not much better at letting people do things for me. Ask my family. They would rather do anything than give me a gift. And I'm not the only one. Many of us become plagued with guilt, expectations of reciprocity, a loss of power or control, even shame when we take what is being offered to us.

Graciously receiving requires vulnerability and openness. We allow the giver to impact us, to deepen the connection between us. And while it may be scary, isn't it what we're striving for? More intimate relationships? A deeper, more connected life?

While my family and friends probably haven't noticed, I've been better at receiving over the years. I recently moved and my friend Niki offered to drive my car the 100+ miles to my new home and take the train home. When she offered, my first instinct was "No way." It was too much to ask. But knowing Niki, she wanted to have this adventure. She wanted to come see me in my new home and she wanted to help me, as friends do. So I said yes.

And then a funny thing happened; both Niki and I got something out of it. We had a great time when she came to visit (accidentally destroying the better half of an aisle display in an overstocked Bed Bath and Beyond, a story we now laugh hysterically about.) She became a part of my new beginning and our friendship is fuller as a result.

This holiday season, the next time a friend or family member says, "Here, I want you to have this" or "Let me help you with that," take a deep breath, open your heart and say "Yes."

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To find out more about Cindy and her coaching or to schedule a session contact us at:

Email: Growmyself@gmail.com
Phone: (415) 987.6983

Back to Basics. What Are Your Values?

It feels like we are in a phase of contraction. Until recently, the economy was running hot and it seemed everyone was in the money. But that’s come to a screeching halt and left us asking, what’s real and what’s not?

If you looked inside instead of out, what would you see?

My Journey
I’ve been doing what I call “values work” for the past year and it’s been more rewarding than I imagined. My life now feels like it's in alignment with who I am. And who I am is unique, like no one else on this earth.

About a year ago, I glommed on to this quote by Dr David Simon:

The concept of dharma, or purpose, holds that there are no spare parts in the universe. Each of us enters the world with a unique perspective and set of talents, which enables us to unfold an aspect of natural intelligence that has never been expressed before. When we are living in dharma, we are in service to ourselves and to those affected by our choices. We know we are in dharma when we cannot think of anything else we would rather be doing with our life.

I posted this quote in my office because I thought it was so radical. I couldn’t believe that I was that unique but I really wanted to. I wanted to have an awareness of what my special talents are and what makes me tick.

And now, a year later, I’m there. I get it. I know it’s just the beginning but it feels like walking into Disneyland or Vegas (depending on who you are) – you haven’t had the full experience yet but you know you’re going to have a good time.

What are YOUR values?
Your values are intrinsic to you just like your height and eye color. Your values don’t tell you what you should be doing, they tell you what you want to be doing.

Like the quote above says, it’s when “we cannot think of anything else we would rather be doing with our life.”

To unearth your values, here are some places to start.

Read through these, pick one and do the exercise today. Then identify the value(s) from the exercise. You can use the Value Strings section below for help

Tomorrow and for the next few days look at the value(s) you have written down. Start making more choices to honor the value and see how you feel.

Peak Experience What is the happiest time you can remember? Write down the story and look for the values.

Future Self
What do you want to be when you grow up?
If time and money were not a concern, what would you be doing?

The magazine test
If you are a magazine reader, which magazine do you buy over and over again? Why? What’s in those pages that you love to read about or love to look at?

Value strings
Once you’ve identified a value, create a value string. List other words which inform the primary value. Here are examples of how the word freedom may have different meanings.
Freedom/independence/adventure
Freedom/self-expression/outrageous creativity

So tell me, what are YOUR values?
If you could be or do anything in this world right now, what would you be or do?

Love,
Cindy

Who's Running Your Life? You or Your Gremlins?

It’s Halloween, a time when ghosts and gremlins emerge from the dark. These characters haunt us, scare and intimidate us – just like the gremlins in ourselves. What is a Gremlin? Known by many names – our survival or coping mechanisms, our cracked identities, our baggage, our dark side, our gremlins or saboteurs – they are the voices, conscious and subconscious, that say I can’t do it. It can’t be done. I’m not good enough. I’m unacceptable. I don’t deserve it. I’m unlovable, useless. I don’t belong. I’ll always be alone. I’m broken, stupid, damaged goods. I’m wrong, not OK, flawed, needy. Their primary job is to sabotage us and our relationships; to keep us from changing and growing, from accomplishing new things. They’re sneaky little suckers and tell us all kinds of lies about why we can’t have what we want and can’t be who we want. They’re our own worst enemy. The Gremlin Party We have a multitude of coping mechanisms - behaviors and beliefs that protect us, keep us from being vulnerable, keep us from getting hurt. The Perfectionist Gremlin: If you can’t do something right, don’t do it at all. The Excuses Gremlin: I can’t because . . . The Gremlin that undercuts other people; The Jealous/Envious Gremlin The “I’m just this way” Gremlin (this one is a big relationship saboteur) The Realist Gremlin: It can’t be done because it’s not realistic. The list goes on and on. Start Listening for Your Gremlins Listen for that negative voice - the “CAN’Ts” and the “BUTs”. Listen for the bully – the voice that says terrible things to you, things you would never say to another person but somehow sound reasonable in your head. Where are you stuck? What aspect of your life is unsuccessful? Where do you always find yourself frustrated, confused, back at square one? Look in places like your career, your home, your relationship with your siblings, with parents, with children, with your significant other. You’ll find in some places you’re really clear about who you are and what you want. In these places, you’re expressing your true self, sans baggage. Now what places or relationships don’t look like this? Once you’ve found ‘em, say hello to your gremlins. What do you do when the gremlins show up? 1. Celebrate It’s good news. Gremlins show up when we’re scared of change and the more you are changing – becoming a bigger, better you – the bigger and bolder the gremlin. Take it as a sign that you’re headed in the right direction, moving towards something you truly desire. 2. Separate Recognize that your gremlins are not you. You are not your gremlins. I’ll say it again. You are not your gremlins. Your gremlins are not you. Your gremlins don’t run the show. You do. Separate yourself from them. 3. Uncover Uncover the deeper fear by asking, “What is this gremlin trying to protect me from? What I am afraid of? What I am afraid will happen? What am I afraid I will feel or afraid someone else will feel?” Figure out what stories you’re telling yourself about a person or a situation. Keep digging. Go back to the list in the “What is a gremlin” section. Chances are one or more of these feelings are the root. 4. Be compassionate As we begin to truly see and feel these cracked identities, we may jump to judgment or shame. Instead, offer yourself compassion and understanding. Picture a small child feeling fears of rejection and being not good enough. What would you offer her? Reassurance that everything is going to be okay and that she is lovable. Offer this to yourself. 5. Choose You’ve seen the saboteur and brought it into the light. Now you can choose. You can choose who you want to be and how you act, instead of react. “Your life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. The caterpillar will become a breathtakingly beautiful butterfly. You will no longer have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You will no longer have to prove you’re good enough. When you embrace your shadow you will no longer have to live in fear. Find the gifts of your shadow and you will finally revel in all the glory of your true self. Then you will have the freedom to create the life you have always desired." Debbie Ford, “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” What will you choose? Love and light, Cindy

What's Your Plan? (January 2009)

It’s winter. It’s the time of year when everything appears to have paused, to have gone underground. Trees have shed their leaves and flowers have lost their petals.   And yet, we know when spring comes, the blossoms and the leaves reappear. So, perhaps things are happening under the surface right now in the dead of winter; perhaps much more than we would guess . . .   Planning is like this too – not much appears to be happening, but it is a vital first step in creating positive success. And now is the perfect time to begin.   As you look forward in to 2009, ask yourself, “What do I want this year? Where do I want to be at the end of 2009?”   Look in the areas of your life:   Fun; Recreation Career Money Health Personal Development Family & Friends Significant Other/Romance Physical Environment   What do you want to change?   What do you want more of or less of?   What did you do in 2008 that brought success, fulfillment and joy?   Continue those actions and choices in 2009 and include them in your plan.   Grab a piece of paper, write down the questions from above and then brainstorm. Write all the possibilities. Think “Wouldn’t it be great if . . .” and suspend the “Yeah, but . . “   Use your IMAGINATION. Dream a little. Dream a lot!!   Once you’re through brainstorming, look for common themes, for goals and ideas which are similar or related. If you find some, group them together. Select your top 5 to 10 goals to become your 2009 plan.   Next consider turning all or some of these goals into SMART goals. My favorite variation on the acronym SMART is that goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Resonant, Time framed and Thrilling! Ok, so that’s two T’s - but you get the idea. In case you are wondering what Resonant means, it is something that makes you feel alive - something that honors your values, dreams, and desires.   Last, take a new piece of paper, write the header “My 2009 Plan” and list your newfound goals.   Here are some of my goals for 2009:   Take one trip to a foreign country   Build a website Act on my intuition about money   Continue working out three times per week Continue eating fruits and vegetables daily It’s January.  It’s winter. It’s the perfect time to plant the seeds of change. What do you want to bloom and grow in 2009?   Love,   Cindy

Who Are You Letting Walk All Over You?

Who are you letting walk all over you?

What are you getting talked out of?

What are you getting talked into?

And regretting it later?

Where aren't you standing up for yourself?

We all know that compromise can be a good thing.
It's a win-win right?
No. Not always.

Compromising too much can actually keep us from achieving our goals and from living the life we want.

Much of the time we know the answers to the questions above but not always.
When we like someone we don't want to upset that person or be upset. So we don't always realize things have gone to far.

What are the signs that your boundaries have been compromised?

• You're angry.
• You're hurt.
• You're being rude to other people or the person who is part of the situation.
• All of a sudden, you're in a bad mood or having a bad day.
• All of a sudden, you're doing things you wouldn't normally do, making poor decisions in that area of your life or other areas.

Now what?

Get clear about the situation.

What happened?

What made you upset, angry, hurt, frustrated?

Which emotions are you feeling?

Getting clear is important. Recently a woman I know was disappointed and upset when her friend cancelled his plans with her. When she got clear about what happened she realized a few things.

• She was disappointed she wasn't going to see him. But that's OK. In fact, it's a sign she likes spending time with him.
• She was angry and frustrated by the way he cancelled their plans. She felt he had been rude and disrespectful.

It was important for her to make these distinctions. Her feelings towards him became clearer. And now she can better communicate about what made her upset and where her boundaries are.

Next. . .

Identify your boundaries.

What do you wish you had done differently?

What will you do differently going forward?

The answers to these questions help you identify your boundaries.

Write them down.

My friend would say her boundaries are making sure people are respectful of her time and communicate with her when things change.

Now - Practice, practice, practice

• If possible, remedy the current situation.
• Going forward, do things according to your new plan.
• See yourself acting differently the next time you are in the situation.
• Forgive yourself if you don't get it right the first time. It's ok.
  

Recognize that boundaries are good for EVERYONE - even the people crossing our lines. Establishing and communicating our boundaries puts the ownership for bad behavior where it belongs. And it allows the "bad behaver" to make things right and do it better next time.

Good luck!

Love and light,

Cindy

I Have the Miracle Cure!

Benefits of the Miracle Cure

· You will sleep better.
You will move into REM sleep quicker and you will stay in REM sleep longer.

· Sex will be better – better performance and it will feel better.

· You will weigh more, or less, whichever you choose.
If you choose to weigh more, you can still wear a smaller clothing size.

· Right after taking the Miracle Cure, you will be better looking.
(Sorry, the effects are only temporary.)

· The Miracle Cure makes you think you are better looking.
(And this effect is not temporary.)

· You’ll be smarter, remember more things and have quicker recall.

· The Miracle Cure decreases stress.
I had a boss who used to say he’d be stressed out about issue ABC at work and after taking the Miracle Cure, he couldn’t even remember where he worked!(Ok, just kidding . . . a little bit.)

· The Miracle Cure keeps you from tripping, literally.

· The Miracle Cure makes you happier.

· But Wait! The Miracle Cure does make you better looking, because it slows the aging process.

· It increases will-power.

· It helps you quit smoking.

· It promotes WORLD PEACE!!
(Ok, now I might be stretching it. But, think about it about. What if everyone took the Miracle Cure? We would certainly be a happier world.)

· And taking the Miracle Cure can be fun.

Seriously, this Miracle Cure sounds unbelievable, doesn’t it?

It’s not. Do you know what it is?

You might. Some of you are already taking the Miracle Cure. Well, I’m not telling you this month. I am going to wait until next month.

In the meantime ponder this question, “What would your life be like if you took the Miracle Cure every day or at least every few days?”

I’m guessing . . . Miraculous Love,
Cindy

(Life-long Miracle Club member)

PS – If you must email me in the meantime because you have to know more about the Miracle Cure, you can reach me at growmyself@gmail.com.

The Miracle Cure Is...

The Miracle Cure is EXERCISE!

Wait! Don’t delete me yet.

I know I heard some of you groan while others facetiously said, “Oh great.”

But remember the benefits from last month’s letter?

- Better sleep - Better sex - Weight management - Better brain function - Better coordination - Of course, you’ve all heard the internal health benefits to cholesterol, blood pressure, heart functioning, and the decreased risks of many cancers and diseases.

Even more interesting benefits:

- Right after a workout you appear more attractive to others.
- In fact, in the long-term you are better looking because it slows the aging process.
- A recent study showed it increases will power.
- Another study along those lines demonstrated that it helped smokers quit smoking.

And MOST IMPORTANTLY – Exercise is fun!!

(Did I lose the groaners again? Just kidding)

Ok, so I’ve talked you into it. Now what?

As some of you know, I am a Fitness Instructor. I have been teaching group exercise classes for 6 years.

Here’s where to start:

1. Make it FUN!

Write 3 exercise activities you enjoy doing on a piece of paper.
Examples: hiking, biking, walking, swimming, dancing, trampoline jumping, aerobics, playing sports, playing with your kids, window shopping.

2. Log your exercise in your calendar or journal.
Make sure your calendar or journal is something you look at almost every day.

3. Like Nike says, “JUST DO IT.”
To begin, be active at least 3 times per week for a ½ hour or more.

Other hints and tips:

- Talk to or see your Doctor. If you haven’t been exercising regularly or haven’t been to the doctor, make sure you are in good health before starting a regular exercise program.

- Get friends or family committed with you or for you. You are more likely to stick to it with the support and encouragement of your friends and family. And even more likely if you make commitments to exercise together.

As you’ve probably guessed, I love to exercise. At the end of each class I teach, I tell my students to thank themselves for being good to their bodies and for increasing the quality and length of their lives.

Don’t you want that too?

Love and light,
Cindy