What's Your Plan? (January 2009)

It’s winter. It’s the time of year when everything appears to have paused, to have gone underground. Trees have shed their leaves and flowers have lost their petals.   And yet, we know when spring comes, the blossoms and the leaves reappear. So, perhaps things are happening under the surface right now in the dead of winter; perhaps much more than we would guess . . .   Planning is like this too – not much appears to be happening, but it is a vital first step in creating positive success. And now is the perfect time to begin.   As you look forward in to 2009, ask yourself, “What do I want this year? Where do I want to be at the end of 2009?”   Look in the areas of your life:   Fun; Recreation Career Money Health Personal Development Family & Friends Significant Other/Romance Physical Environment   What do you want to change?   What do you want more of or less of?   What did you do in 2008 that brought success, fulfillment and joy?   Continue those actions and choices in 2009 and include them in your plan.   Grab a piece of paper, write down the questions from above and then brainstorm. Write all the possibilities. Think “Wouldn’t it be great if . . .” and suspend the “Yeah, but . . “   Use your IMAGINATION. Dream a little. Dream a lot!!   Once you’re through brainstorming, look for common themes, for goals and ideas which are similar or related. If you find some, group them together. Select your top 5 to 10 goals to become your 2009 plan.   Next consider turning all or some of these goals into SMART goals. My favorite variation on the acronym SMART is that goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Resonant, Time framed and Thrilling! Ok, so that’s two T’s - but you get the idea. In case you are wondering what Resonant means, it is something that makes you feel alive - something that honors your values, dreams, and desires.   Last, take a new piece of paper, write the header “My 2009 Plan” and list your newfound goals.   Here are some of my goals for 2009:   Take one trip to a foreign country   Build a website Act on my intuition about money   Continue working out three times per week Continue eating fruits and vegetables daily It’s January.  It’s winter. It’s the perfect time to plant the seeds of change. What do you want to bloom and grow in 2009?   Love,   Cindy

Who Are You Letting Walk All Over You?

Who are you letting walk all over you?

What are you getting talked out of?

What are you getting talked into?

And regretting it later?

Where aren't you standing up for yourself?

We all know that compromise can be a good thing.
It's a win-win right?
No. Not always.

Compromising too much can actually keep us from achieving our goals and from living the life we want.

Much of the time we know the answers to the questions above but not always.
When we like someone we don't want to upset that person or be upset. So we don't always realize things have gone to far.

What are the signs that your boundaries have been compromised?

• You're angry.
• You're hurt.
• You're being rude to other people or the person who is part of the situation.
• All of a sudden, you're in a bad mood or having a bad day.
• All of a sudden, you're doing things you wouldn't normally do, making poor decisions in that area of your life or other areas.

Now what?

Get clear about the situation.

What happened?

What made you upset, angry, hurt, frustrated?

Which emotions are you feeling?

Getting clear is important. Recently a woman I know was disappointed and upset when her friend cancelled his plans with her. When she got clear about what happened she realized a few things.

• She was disappointed she wasn't going to see him. But that's OK. In fact, it's a sign she likes spending time with him.
• She was angry and frustrated by the way he cancelled their plans. She felt he had been rude and disrespectful.

It was important for her to make these distinctions. Her feelings towards him became clearer. And now she can better communicate about what made her upset and where her boundaries are.

Next. . .

Identify your boundaries.

What do you wish you had done differently?

What will you do differently going forward?

The answers to these questions help you identify your boundaries.

Write them down.

My friend would say her boundaries are making sure people are respectful of her time and communicate with her when things change.

Now - Practice, practice, practice

• If possible, remedy the current situation.
• Going forward, do things according to your new plan.
• See yourself acting differently the next time you are in the situation.
• Forgive yourself if you don't get it right the first time. It's ok.
  

Recognize that boundaries are good for EVERYONE - even the people crossing our lines. Establishing and communicating our boundaries puts the ownership for bad behavior where it belongs. And it allows the "bad behaver" to make things right and do it better next time.

Good luck!

Love and light,

Cindy