Who's Running Your Life? You or Your Gremlins?

It’s Halloween, a time when ghosts and gremlins emerge from the dark. These characters haunt us, scare and intimidate us – just like the gremlins in ourselves. What is a Gremlin? Known by many names – our survival or coping mechanisms, our cracked identities, our baggage, our dark side, our gremlins or saboteurs – they are the voices, conscious and subconscious, that say I can’t do it. It can’t be done. I’m not good enough. I’m unacceptable. I don’t deserve it. I’m unlovable, useless. I don’t belong. I’ll always be alone. I’m broken, stupid, damaged goods. I’m wrong, not OK, flawed, needy. Their primary job is to sabotage us and our relationships; to keep us from changing and growing, from accomplishing new things. They’re sneaky little suckers and tell us all kinds of lies about why we can’t have what we want and can’t be who we want. They’re our own worst enemy. The Gremlin Party We have a multitude of coping mechanisms - behaviors and beliefs that protect us, keep us from being vulnerable, keep us from getting hurt. The Perfectionist Gremlin: If you can’t do something right, don’t do it at all. The Excuses Gremlin: I can’t because . . . The Gremlin that undercuts other people; The Jealous/Envious Gremlin The “I’m just this way” Gremlin (this one is a big relationship saboteur) The Realist Gremlin: It can’t be done because it’s not realistic. The list goes on and on. Start Listening for Your Gremlins Listen for that negative voice - the “CAN’Ts” and the “BUTs”. Listen for the bully – the voice that says terrible things to you, things you would never say to another person but somehow sound reasonable in your head. Where are you stuck? What aspect of your life is unsuccessful? Where do you always find yourself frustrated, confused, back at square one? Look in places like your career, your home, your relationship with your siblings, with parents, with children, with your significant other. You’ll find in some places you’re really clear about who you are and what you want. In these places, you’re expressing your true self, sans baggage. Now what places or relationships don’t look like this? Once you’ve found ‘em, say hello to your gremlins. What do you do when the gremlins show up? 1. Celebrate It’s good news. Gremlins show up when we’re scared of change and the more you are changing – becoming a bigger, better you – the bigger and bolder the gremlin. Take it as a sign that you’re headed in the right direction, moving towards something you truly desire. 2. Separate Recognize that your gremlins are not you. You are not your gremlins. I’ll say it again. You are not your gremlins. Your gremlins are not you. Your gremlins don’t run the show. You do. Separate yourself from them. 3. Uncover Uncover the deeper fear by asking, “What is this gremlin trying to protect me from? What I am afraid of? What I am afraid will happen? What am I afraid I will feel or afraid someone else will feel?” Figure out what stories you’re telling yourself about a person or a situation. Keep digging. Go back to the list in the “What is a gremlin” section. Chances are one or more of these feelings are the root. 4. Be compassionate As we begin to truly see and feel these cracked identities, we may jump to judgment or shame. Instead, offer yourself compassion and understanding. Picture a small child feeling fears of rejection and being not good enough. What would you offer her? Reassurance that everything is going to be okay and that she is lovable. Offer this to yourself. 5. Choose You’ve seen the saboteur and brought it into the light. Now you can choose. You can choose who you want to be and how you act, instead of react. “Your life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. The caterpillar will become a breathtakingly beautiful butterfly. You will no longer have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You will no longer have to prove you’re good enough. When you embrace your shadow you will no longer have to live in fear. Find the gifts of your shadow and you will finally revel in all the glory of your true self. Then you will have the freedom to create the life you have always desired." Debbie Ford, “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” What will you choose? Love and light, Cindy